It's Okay to Not Understand the Whys

Most people, including myself, have wondered why God allows certain things to happen.  We want an answer immediately and we question God.  I have learned a lot about trusting in God the past nearly nine years.  Romans 11:33 (NASB) says, "Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God!  How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways!"  That verse has stuck with me the last several years and has helped me along this journey.  Did God take Kyler so we would later have our daughter Kylie?  I don't know.  But I do know that was part of God's plan.  I have even wondered why couldn't we still have Kyler and still would've chosen adopting our daughter.  I can ask so many 'why questions' and drive myself crazy.  It doesn't help.  God has taught me over these years about trusting Him.  I don't have to understand His ways, in fact I can't understand them.  That verse says that we cannot fathom God's plans and purposes.  Job asked God many questions.  And he, too, did not get any answers. 

I have learned that what God wants is for me to delight in Him and to know Him more.  In fact, He taught me that just a few days after Kyler went to heaven.  I was sitting in the hospital and began reading Psalm 37.  Verse 4 reads, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."  But at the time, I didn't realize that is what He was teaching me.  It's been a progression over the years.  Knowing Jesus Christ in a more intimate way, rejoicing in Him, desiring Him, delighting in Him, trusting Him, hiding His Word in my heart, preaching the gospel to myself, proclaiming Jesus, speaking Jesus to others.  God treasures me because of who I am in Christ.  He sees the righteousness of Christ in me.  He wants me to have a passion for Him and the gospel.  Afterall, what God desires most is the glory of His name!