Kyler's Birthday and Homegoing: March 22, 2004

"My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word." (Psalm 119:28)

It's been a difficult week for Brad, Karsten and me. Actually a difficult month. We can testify to the fact that time does not heal all wounds. Anyone who has ever lost a child knows that life is never the same again. God is our Healer and Sustainer. He has chosen this journey for us. We may limp or crawl at times and we trust that He is going to get us through. This life on earth is a journey, for we are just passing through until we arrive to our final destination...our home in heaven.


For those of you who are new to our blog, I would like to share with you the story that God has written for our lives about our second son, Kyler Braden Evans.


On the morning of March 22, 2004, at 38 weeks pregnant, I went into labor. Brad and I took Karsten over to Dean and Elaine's house then we headed to the hospital. Although in some pain, I was anxious to hold and see my baby. After arriving there and getting prepared, when the nurse checked Kyler's heartbeat, she said it was low (I forget, it was somewhere in the 80's). They called my doctor and he performed an emergency c-section. Since I was still under anesthesia, I didn't get to see Kyler when he came out. However, while the Lord was with Brad, he had to witness things unimaginable that any father should not have to do. Kyler was not breathing and the doctors and nurses did everything they could in the 45 minutes to try to revive him. On the day Kyler was ready to be born into this world, he went straight into the arms of Jesus, our Savior.


We had found out a few weeks later that I have a genetic blood clotting disorder called factor V leiden. With that, a pregnant woman has an 8-10 times greater chance of having a blood clot. When I went into labor, a blood clot had formed in the placenta which had cut off oxygen and blood flow in the cord.


Eight hours had passed until we got to hold Kyler and take pictures. That explains why Kyler looks the way he does in the pictures. I am so thankful for the pictures and for nurses Bethney and Carol. We didn't realize it right away, but I was also sick with HELLP syndrome, therefore I was in the hospital for a week.


Kyler Braden Evans

"All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
Psalm 139:16

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail."

Lamentations 3:22

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with
the glory that will be revealed in us." Romans 8:18

"Jesus said, Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them,
for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14

Five years! Our little boy would be 5 years old today. Five is like a milestone age, a fun age. Brad and I both agreed that this has probably been the most difficult age to miss. Don't misinterpret that, they've all been hard and not a day goes by that we don't think of and miss Kyler. This Fall he would have been starting Kindergarten and since I would've been his teacher it hurts even more. The older Karsten gets, the more he misses his little brother. He has also been sad about one of his close friends moving away and just this week Karsten told me, "It's just not fair. My brother died and lives in heaven and now my best friend is moving." He continued on with, "Why did you and Daddy get to keep your brothers here on earth and I didn't?" I was crushed. I don't know why God took Kyler. But I do know that we serve a God who loves us. Please pray for Karsten. If I focused all the time on the things that I don't understand, I wouldn't want to get out of bed each day.

I am so thankful for the resurrection power of Christ. Jesus rose from the dead and lives for us today. He has already won the ultimate victory. We do have HOPE beyond the grave. 1 Corinthians 15:55-57 says, "Where, O death is your victory? Where, O death is your sting? The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."

I think of the aching of our souls and the emptiness we often feel, yet I am so grateful for the empty tomb. Without that, we would have nothing to look forward to and no hope. Jesus says in John 11:25, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?" I believe the Bibles that were sent to Taiwan from Kyler's memorial fund are having an effect on many people's lives. God's Word is powerful and according to Isaiah 55:11, it will not return empty. So how can we feel so empty, yet so full? Because of Jesus. Remember His tomb is empty (which is the true meaning of Easter) and Jesus LIVES. God's Word will not return empty and it will accomplish what He desires and achieve His purpose.

God never promised any person on the earth a happy life. He does, however, want us to live the abundant and purposeful life He has planned for us. God revealed something to me as I was typing this. I had mentioned at the beginning that the doctors and nurses were unable to revive Kyler. God immediately took my mind to the word revive that I knew was somewhere in Psalm 119. "Revive me according to Your word"(v.154). God continues to revive us. Psalm 119:50 says this, "My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life." Verse 92 says, "If your law had not been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction."

Our passion for Jesus Christ was born from the pain and suffering of losing our son and brother. We know that Kyler is alive and happy in heaven running and playing. We miss him so badly and have missed doing so many things with him that we thought we would do! Life is so short. God has taught us that. Don't take for granted one day. We wish we could watch Kyler today blow out his five candles after we sang happy birthday to him. We know and believe that someday we will all be together FOREVER. What our holy and righteous God has allowed us to go through, He will bring us through. Our precious son, Kyler, is now and forever being held by the One who continues to hold us.

I know that there are only a handful of people who read our blog. Would you mind sharing with us how Kyler's life and death have impacted you or someone you know. We would love for anyone to share your thoughts even if you don't know us. Your words will encourage us! Thank you all for your love and prayers.

"Naked I came from my mother's womb,
and naked I will depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
blessed be the name of the LORD."

Job 1:21

Grieving with hope,

Jennifer