It's Okay to Not Understand the Whys

Most people, including myself, have wondered why God allows certain things to happen.  We want an answer immediately and we question God.  I have learned a lot about trusting in God the past nearly nine years.  Romans 11:33 (NASB) says, "Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God!  How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways!"  That verse has stuck with me the last several years and has helped me along this journey.  Did God take Kyler so we would later have our daughter Kylie?  I don't know.  But I do know that was part of God's plan.  I have even wondered why couldn't we still have Kyler and still would've chosen adopting our daughter.  I can ask so many 'why questions' and drive myself crazy.  It doesn't help.  God has taught me over these years about trusting Him.  I don't have to understand His ways, in fact I can't understand them.  That verse says that we cannot fathom God's plans and purposes.  Job asked God many questions.  And he, too, did not get any answers. 

I have learned that what God wants is for me to delight in Him and to know Him more.  In fact, He taught me that just a few days after Kyler went to heaven.  I was sitting in the hospital and began reading Psalm 37.  Verse 4 reads, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."  But at the time, I didn't realize that is what He was teaching me.  It's been a progression over the years.  Knowing Jesus Christ in a more intimate way, rejoicing in Him, desiring Him, delighting in Him, trusting Him, hiding His Word in my heart, preaching the gospel to myself, proclaiming Jesus, speaking Jesus to others.  God treasures me because of who I am in Christ.  He sees the righteousness of Christ in me.  He wants me to have a passion for Him and the gospel.  Afterall, what God desires most is the glory of His name!

Every Child Deserves A Family

This has been a fun time of the year with Thanksgiving then Kylie's birthday, now on to planning Karsten's birthday, then celebrating the birth of our Savior Jesus.  It is also a bittersweet time of year as we miss Kyler, but rejoice in the fact that he doesn't have to endure this sinful world and that he is forever at his home that he was made for.  This is a difficult time for so many people.

 I also think about orphans who are alone this Christmas and all they long for is a family.  The other night my family and I were watching the movie Santa Paws.  In the movie are foster girls in which some are adoptable.  In one of the scenes one of the girls was sent to the basement in the dark to be alone.  With Kylie on my lap she asks me tearfully, "Why is that girl all alone?  I don't ever want to be alone again!"  My daughter was sobbing.   She was remembering her past.  We forget.  We feel like she's always been with us.  At the end of the movie, two of the girls get adopted.  Kylie looks at me with tears welling up in her eyes and says, "So they have a family now?  They're not alone anymore?"  By then I was in tears and we both cried as I held and loved on my sweet girl.

I am so glad God didn't leave me alone either.   He didn't leave me as an orphan.  He delivered and rescued me all through His Son Jesus.  I am amazed how God puts families together.  It's not by blood how we are related (after all, you and your spouse aren't genetically related), rather it's through God and God is love.  I love all my children.  I am blessed to be called their mom.